"Yes, post-hypnotic suggestions are good for more than just making people look like idiots on stage! We here at Hypnagoglic Creations (r) have pioneered the science of applied post-hypnotic suggestion, developing our products with your happiness, safety, and comfort in mind."
Check out our product lines:
The Active Accomplishment brand. This product line goes right to work, changing mindsets and behaviors like flicking a switch.
"Whack!" (tm) With fewer side-effects than Valium and less chance of prosecution than a two by four, Whack! ensures that hyperactive little rugrats are in bed and asleep by bedtime. Simply touch them on the forehead and speak the secret codeword, then pull the blankets up to their chins till morning.
**Warning: Put the subjects into bed FIRST, as Whack! will transform them instantly from wild sugared-up dynamos of energy into cute, sleeping little ragdolls, making them very difficult to lift into beds.
"Overachieve!" (tm) The perfect solution to those lazy, shiftless pre-teens who are more interested in television, telephone, and underage rock stars than homework. Overachive! goes right to work on the focus and attention centers of the brain, instilling in the subject an uncontrollable desire to spend three hours hitting the books, finishing their homework, and cramming for next month's geography mid-term.
"Cinderella X" (tm) With a wave of the magic code word, turn those sloppy slobs into compulsive neat freaks and return your home to the spotless days of yore (before children). Cinderella X targets the neuroses department in the subject's brain, applying a total aversion to dirt, grime, and clutter.
Attitude Adjustment Brand. This product line is for those harder cases, the ones where the other product lines don't seem to be working as effectively anymore. You know, teenagers. These products effectively apply instructional lessons in ways teens will understand.
SoapMouth 63 (tm) Has your teenager developed full-on potty mouth syndrome? Desperate for a way to curb the seemingly neverending flood of filth flowing from your sweet child's mouth? Say no more! Soapmouth 63 uses the combination of post-hypnotic trigger and peer pressure to turn sailor's speech back into queen's english in no time. Simply provide a list of the most often used phrases that come out of their mouths, and we will custom design a treatment that causes the subject to cluck like a chicken after every foul word.
Upgrade: This just in! Our developers have added a new feature that causes the subject to perform "I'm a little teapot!" on every utterance of, or hearing of, such phrases as "homey," "whacked," and "whadup, dawg?"
COMING SOON: Take control of your daily work environment with our new line of co-worker products, due out next month!
All Hypnagoglic products come with a 100% money back guarentee. If the subject fails to respond, simply return the book, tape, video, DVD, and optional electoshock YowzaJolt Collar (tm) for a full refund (minus a 40% restocking fee).
If you laughed, don't forget to send in your nickel!If you would like to be added to the NickelAtATime mailing list, please let us know!
nickelatatime@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment