Sunday, November 11, 2007

You Know You're a Ron Paul Supporter WHEN...

...with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...

You Know You're a Ron Paul Supporter WHEN:

  • You've given up on putting banners on highway overpasses. Not because you don't enjoy it, but because the overpass isn't big enough for the banner anymore.

  • Your Lawn Gnomes are painted over with Revolution T-shirts.

  • You schedule your third anniversary dinner between a Meetup group planning meeting and dropping slimjims on windshields at the local high school football game.

  • You don't know anything about how to keep score, haven't the foggiest idea who Earnhart, Gordon, and Martin are, and don't understand the attraction of watching cars drive around in a really big circle for hours on end...but you still go to the Nascar race, just to cheer for the airplane pulling the Ron Paul for President banner high over the stadium.

  • You and three friends get together, sneak into Fox News HQ, steal the server password off of Hannity's desk while his back is turned, rappel into the server room in a scene right out of "Mission Impossible," hack into their polling software in forty-seven-point-four seconds, and give your phone numbers and home computers permission to vote multiple times--so you can spam the votes and make Ron Paul seem a lot more popular than he really is.

  • You put a widget in Firefox to allow you to see Ron Paul's donation numbers in real time.

  • You WRITE a widget for Firefox to allow you to see Ron Paul's donation numbers in real time

  • Your eight year old's allowance comes with a lecture on Austrian Economics.

  • You wear a bracelet that says "WWRPD."

  • You give WWRPD bracelets to your friends, family, and neighbors.

  • You give WWRPD bracelets to George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, and Rudy Guiliani.

  • You time your chores to Ron Paul's fundraising numbers--as in "I need to walk the dog, but I'll wait until Ron breaks three million."

  • You're on your third television since May, due to throwing whatever is near at hand at clueless commentators using terms like "longshot," "flake," "extremist," "fringe," or "isolationist."

  • You make your donations in $5 increments just so you can see your name pop up again and again on the RonPaul2008 donations widget.

  • You set up Ebay auctions to raise money to donate to the campaign.

  • You tag your Ebay auctions with "RP08" so bidders know where the money is going to go.

  • The other half doesn't mind in the least when you Ebay your old golf clubs, leftover leisure suit, and the exercise-contraption-turned-into-a-clothes-drying rack with RP08 tags on them.

  • The other half gets mad at you for putting two kids and a dog on Ebay with RP08 tags...even though you had a couple of great bids on the teenager.

  • You find yourself cycling through Lew Rockwell, RonPaulGraphs, and DailyPaul every twenty minutes.

  • You sneak "Hope for America" bumper stickers onto every car in the parking lots...of the local Republican and Democrat party headquarters.

  • You get so upset with the mainstream press for "dissing" your candidate that you work out a concept, create a website, spread the word--and rake in over one million dollars for Ron...before morning coffee.

(Jokester's Note: The NickelAtATime mission has temporarily changed. We will return to our quest to make a million dollars selling laughs for a nickel, but only after Ron Paul wins the White House. Until then, the nickels you all send for our jokes and images will be cheerfully forwarded to the Ron Paul campaign. So..."You know you're a Ron Paul supporter when you offer up laughs for a nickel each, just so you can donate those nickels to Ron Paul.")

If you laughed, be sure to PayPal your nickel to!