Sunday, November 11, 2007

You Know You're a Ron Paul Supporter WHEN...

...with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...

You Know You're a Ron Paul Supporter WHEN:

  • You've given up on putting banners on highway overpasses. Not because you don't enjoy it, but because the overpass isn't big enough for the banner anymore.

  • Your Lawn Gnomes are painted over with Revolution T-shirts.

  • You schedule your third anniversary dinner between a Meetup group planning meeting and dropping slimjims on windshields at the local high school football game.

  • You don't know anything about how to keep score, haven't the foggiest idea who Earnhart, Gordon, and Martin are, and don't understand the attraction of watching cars drive around in a really big circle for hours on end...but you still go to the Nascar race, just to cheer for the airplane pulling the Ron Paul for President banner high over the stadium.

  • You and three friends get together, sneak into Fox News HQ, steal the server password off of Hannity's desk while his back is turned, rappel into the server room in a scene right out of "Mission Impossible," hack into their polling software in forty-seven-point-four seconds, and give your phone numbers and home computers permission to vote multiple times--so you can spam the votes and make Ron Paul seem a lot more popular than he really is.

  • You put a widget in Firefox to allow you to see Ron Paul's donation numbers in real time.

  • You WRITE a widget for Firefox to allow you to see Ron Paul's donation numbers in real time

  • Your eight year old's allowance comes with a lecture on Austrian Economics.

  • You wear a bracelet that says "WWRPD."

  • You give WWRPD bracelets to your friends, family, and neighbors.

  • You give WWRPD bracelets to George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, and Rudy Guiliani.

  • You time your chores to Ron Paul's fundraising numbers--as in "I need to walk the dog, but I'll wait until Ron breaks three million."

  • You're on your third television since May, due to throwing whatever is near at hand at clueless commentators using terms like "longshot," "flake," "extremist," "fringe," or "isolationist."

  • You make your donations in $5 increments just so you can see your name pop up again and again on the RonPaul2008 donations widget.

  • You set up Ebay auctions to raise money to donate to the campaign.

  • You tag your Ebay auctions with "RP08" so bidders know where the money is going to go.

  • The other half doesn't mind in the least when you Ebay your old golf clubs, leftover leisure suit, and the exercise-contraption-turned-into-a-clothes-drying rack with RP08 tags on them.

  • The other half gets mad at you for putting two kids and a dog on Ebay with RP08 tags...even though you had a couple of great bids on the teenager.

  • You find yourself cycling through Lew Rockwell, RonPaulGraphs, and DailyPaul every twenty minutes.

  • You sneak "Hope for America" bumper stickers onto every car in the parking lots...of the local Republican and Democrat party headquarters.

  • You get so upset with the mainstream press for "dissing" your candidate that you work out a concept, create a website, spread the word--and rake in over one million dollars for Ron...before morning coffee.

(Jokester's Note: The NickelAtATime mission has temporarily changed. We will return to our quest to make a million dollars selling laughs for a nickel, but only after Ron Paul wins the White House. Until then, the nickels you all send for our jokes and images will be cheerfully forwarded to the Ron Paul campaign. So..."You know you're a Ron Paul supporter when you offer up laughs for a nickel each, just so you can donate those nickels to Ron Paul.")

If you laughed, be sure to PayPal your nickel to!


  1. Ron Paul is gaining ground every day. He has clearly surpassed John McCain and is now a "top tier" candidate. He dominates in Straw Polls, Debate Polls, Fund Raising, Web Traffic and Grass Roots Networking. I have created a website to support this statement.

    Please visit and judge for yourself.

  2. When you donate money, create and pass out flyers or send a letter to the editor every time you see a hit piece from the New Tork Times, National Review, The Washington Post and Fox News.

  3. Awesome! I identify with all but the Hannity spamming thing. I guess I don't think we need to spam for RP. There are enough of us and we're growing in numbers every day. Great post!

  4. Beautiful! Loved every word and actually laughed out loud!

    Go Dr. Paul!!

  5. When you listen to a 24/7 internet radio station dedicated to Ron Paul... 24/7.

    When you helped build an internet radio station dedicated to Ron Paul and work on it... 24/7. While listening to it.

  6. ...all three of your children recognise Ron Paul's picture and know to chant, "Ron Paul! Freedom!"

    ...your 4-year-old, who is only just learning how to read, can read a Ron Paul sign more easily than she can read Dr. Seuss.

    ...your 7-year-old can discuss why we're voting for Ron Paul. tell your mother not to buy you a Christmas present, but to donate money to Ron Paul's campaign -- thus revising a list of demands you gave her five months ago.

  7. Actually...I really am guilty of at least 2 or 3 of those items...

    Hey, Ron Paul himself has said, on numerous occasions, this campaign should be FUN!

    Thanks for the laugh.

  8. I enjoyed every commet. My personal fav is placing a Ron Paul sticker on a strangers car that has a Rudy sticker.

  9. Awesome.

    I haven't done some of the more extreme... but that ebay one is a good idea.

  10. When I go to a job interview. I give a slimjim of Ron Paul to the employer instead of your resume because before he came to see you he was on the phone yelling at his accountant about taxes there is no law

  11. Jeff Foxworthy's writers should be this good!

  12. I laughed 5 times do I have to send in all twenty five cents via 5 cents at a time?

    Your best one was the Nascar one, it was the Grannys that flew those banners over the races and had a ball doing so. Those people are crazy, it was after 4 AM and people were still coming by banging on the doors asking Who is Ron Paul>>>>

  13. You change your commuting route to the longest distance to get the most people to see your RP car magnets. (Guilty!)

  14. when you belive the following (courtesy of Ron Paul doesn't go the gym. He stays fit by exercising his civil rights.
    2. Ron Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.
    3. Ron Paul doesn't cut taxes. He kills them with his bare hands.
    4. Jesus wears a wrist band that says "What Would Ron Paul Do?"
    5. When Ron Paul takes a shower, he doesn't get wet...the water gets Ron Paul.
    6. Ron Paul could lead a horse to water AND convince it to drink, but he doesn't believe the government has the right to so he refuses.
    7. Ron Paul's midi-chlorian level is off the chart.
    8. When Chuck Norris gets scared, he goes to Ron Paul.
    9. Studies by the World Health Organization show that Ron Paul is the leading cause of freedom among men.
    10. Ron Paul makes the U.S. dollar want to be a better currency

  15. Found you on my cycle of RonPaulGraphs -> Lew Rockwell -> Daily Paul

  16. 1. When you and everyone in your family changes party affiliations... for at least a few weeks... just to vote Ron Paul.

    2. When the neighbors feel strange stopping by now that your entire roof is plastered with giant Ron Paul signs.

    3. When your infant son wears a "I HEART Ron Paul" onesie.

    4. When your wife is jealous that she can't find a "I HEART Ron Paul" t-shirt to match her infant son's onesie.

    This is my life :)

  17. Absolutely LOVED it!!!

  18. ....When you dread the day when the campaign is over because there will be such a large hole in your life....

  19. Great Blue collar tv spoof, and i know i fit atleast 2/3rds of those category

  20. When you agonize over sending Ron Paul $850 FRNs (so the amount reported to the FEC will be higher) or a US Gold Eagle (face Value $50 - so you can legally send him much more than the $2300.00 FEC limit - true story FEC only requires Ron Paul to report the face value of any US legal tender coin - hint hint.)

    When your browser automatically offers to fill in your information on evey political Blog from HuffPo to TheLibertypapers because you've posted on all of them at least once.

    You don't read wRedstate, and you don't read Wankette because they declared war on Ron Paul.

    When you won't even bother to load a hit piece on Ron Paul that you see on Google news, because it is more than an hour old, and you know all the good talking points will be taken.

  21. "When your browser automatically offers to fill in your information on evey political Blog from HuffPo to TheLibertypapers because you’ve posted on all of them at least once."

    LOL! guilty as charged. :)

  22. When no matter how bad your day is going all the Ron Paul signs and bumperstickers on the drive home (in NH) cheer you up.

  23. Ron Paul FTW. Its do or die for the USA, without RP, the US will become trash. (More trashy than it is now).

  24. [...] originally appeared here.  However, it was most likely created by a decentralized group of fanatical Ron Paul supporters, [...]